This is a really interesting idea. I also wonder what gets cut from published stories, and love the idea of using this space to share and discuss writing we may feel is not right for our story.

I think the idea to bring in your own discussion started about your likes and dislikes is key as well. From my standpoint, your analysis of what works and what doesn’t work is pretty much spot on, and I would say that the things you like are worth keeping in some form. As an example I do think it adds something to have the protagonist getting angry, though perhaps it doesn’t have to happen here.

I wonder if simply moving away from the Gypsy and the tarot cards might be the right energy for the story. It just may be that we’ve lingered in that scene for too long, and perhaps the positives you’ve identified might impact the story more if they’re moved into a new scene.

Of course, ultimately I think you’ll feel for yourself what is right, and readers can only offer up their limited insights--we don’t know what character building might already be planned for coming out later, for example--but I think what you’re doing here is super interesting.

I also realize I’m getting to this a bit late, so this might not be a timely comment, but...I hope it still has some value!

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